Fazl-e-Umar — Page 37
Fazle Umar 37 “When I finished the eleventh year of my life and the year 1900 of the Chris- tian era had begun, it occurred to me to ask myself why I believed in God, and whether there was any proof of His existence. I remained thinking over the question late into the night; it was getting onto eleven when I decided that God did really exist. For me that moment was a moment of great joy; its unspeakable warmth flooded my being as a child is flooded with joy when he is gathered up into the arms of his mother after a dreadful period when he thought he had lost her. I had found my Creator, my Lord and Master. My faith that so far had rested merely on hearsay was now grounded on my own experience. I felt so glad that I could hardly contain myself with joy; I offered a prayer, a supplication, that in future, doubt with regard to His existence may never be permitted to assail my mind. On that memorable day I was eleven years old… but today I value that prayer in the same way as I did when I poured out my heart that day in supplication. Today again I repeat that prayer; only at that time I was but a child and now I have grown into a man. I now have better experience to guide my wording of this prayer and I make just this addition that God in His Grace and Mercy may bestow certainty by realisation upon me with regard to Himself. “After those waves of emotion had begun to stir my thoughts to which I have just referred, one morning I performed ablutions and wore that robe – not because it was beautiful and I liked it, but because it had belonged to the Promised Messiah. It was sacred on that account and full of blessings. This was the first realisation on my part of the sacred position of the Messenger of God. “Having put on that robe I locked myself in my room. I spread a cloth on the floor and stood for the Salat (obligatory prayers). In the course of that prayer I wept – wept profusely and to my heart’s content –and took a solemn vow that in future I would never miss a single obligatory prayer. When I think of those