A Letter to a Dear One — Page 91
Muhammad Zafrulla Khan 91 similar background. Otherwise social issues can cause severe problems. Therefore, the objective of the Holy Prophet’s ( ” allall ā hu ‘alaihi wa sallam) instruction is not to make these factors the aim and object in essence. For example, a man wishing to marry a woman for her beauty or for the fact that her father holds a high position or is wealthy, despite the absence of the criterion necessary for establishing piety. It could be that the woman and her family are oblivious of matters of faith and do not take any interest in them. Or the woman could be affected with a disease that might be repulsive in nature, or that could have finished her chances to bear children. These and similar factors need to be sorted out. It is a good idea to perform ‘Istakh ā ra’ so that the right choice is made with the grace of Allah. The decision about marriage is the most important decision of one’s life; it affects the rest of one’s life and the next generation. Therefore, it is important to exercise due care, and reflect and pray in abundance. Once the choice has been made, the man should remember that in marriage the woman’s sacrifice is comparatively larger. In most cases, the woman is younger than the man and therefore of less experience. Her traditional upbringing does not expose her to the world much. She is used to the warm love and affection of her family. After marriage she has to leave the company of these dear ones and establish a relationship with, at times, a strange family. She has to start her life anew with a comparative stranger. Naturally, she has a little fear and anxiety and certainly some hopes regarding her future. She also possesses, compared to the man, sensitivity of nature, and her feelings are different from that of a man. Due to natural bashfulness, she is not very expressive about her needs in the beginning. In these circumstances the responsibility of her comfort and her happiness lies with her husband. If his attitude is not of perfect affection, kindness and charm, she can get hurt. This could end up being detrimental to their mutual relationship. The husband should also remember to bring an aspect of guidance to their relationship. It is necessary to have an element of affection and kindness in this as well. It is important to take extra care in the beginning. More often than not the state of the marriage ends up being what it is in the first few months and years. Kind treatment of the wife also entails kind treatment of her family so that she is not hurt in any way and her natural feelings of pride she has for her husband are not wounded. The husband also expects in a natural sort of a way that the wife considers his family as her own, is