Hazrat Ahmad — Page 13
HADHRAT AHMAD 13 father in vicissitude, which came to a head at the time of the. British rule in the Punjab, when his properties were confiscated: and though he spent thousands of rupees in the endeavor to recover his jagirs, his efforts proved of no avail. This reversal of his fortunes continued to afflict his mind till his death. We find mention of this is one of Ahmad's books. He says, "My father in consequence of his many disappointments was always pensive and sad. He had spent close upon 70,000 rupees in litigation, which was bounded to prove fruitless, because the lands which had belonged to our forefathers had long passed out of our possession and their recovery was but a forlorn hope. The failure of his unavailing efforts with its consequent sorrow and grief made my father's life miserable and the sight of the same helped me to work a holy change in my own life, for the misery of his constantly urged me towards an immaculate life free from all worldly turmoils. He still remained master of a few villages and received an amount from the British Government as reward for good service, besides the pension of a certain post he had held. Since all this was very inconsiderable compared to that which he had once enjoyed, he was always depressed and melancholy, and often gave vent to his sorrow saying that the pains he had taken to secure vile worldly possessions, had they been borne for the sake of religion, would have served to make him a saint. He would also recite some of his own verse bearing on the futility of worldly pursuits. "Towards the end of his life the feeling of remorse at having to appear empty handed before the August Master daily grew upon him and many a time he used to say sorrowfully: "I have squandered away my life in pursuit of the vanities of this world. ". From the above extract in which Ahmad has described the state of mind of his father during his own childhood and youth, it would appear that the circumstances under which he received his own early training were so disposed by God that the love of the world could never find a place in his heart. It is true that even the reduced circumstances of his father and his elder brother were such that by the worldly people they were considered honored and eminent, and by the officials of the State they were treated with