Paradise Under Your Feet — Page 112
112 and values and a strong connection to the Jama ’ at go a long way. Children who understand the reasons why they should not participate in certain activities are far more likely to accept their parents ’ boundaries willingly than those who are simply told what they can do and what they must not do. Parents who expect obedience through fear create a false sense of security for themselves as fear of parents is a temporary phase and may well be replaced by resentment. Children should be molded to make their own sound and moral choices. Discouraging School Dances, Proms, Home Coming etc. During high school, parents have the difficult task of watching over their children ’ s activities. Included in the list of “ not allowed ” are school dances, proms and homecoming activities. Many high school teens will question this ban, so parents must be prepared to explain the reasons for abstaining from such events, i. e. they cross the boundaries of modesty and Purdah. This boundary must be established for both sons and daughters. Some girls and boys may wish to attend events with the same gender friends, in which case parents should explain that it is not merely attending as a “ couple ” which is un - Islamic, but the activity and content of such programs is un - Islamic as well. This does not need to become a long - drawn - out argument. An effective parent knows how to be firm and how not to make every decision a debate. Ahmadi Muslim parents can also provide alternative social activities for their teens where they can get together and have some fun. Healthy Foundations for Future Spouse Selection and Marriage The teen years are the best time for parents to begin seriously discussing the topic of marriage with their children. Islamic teachings and Qur ’ anic guidelines on marriage should be discussed openly, and the concept and advantages of arranged marriages should be