Paradise Under Your Feet — Page 109
Chapter 6: High School Years 109 have to be very careful that they are not too rigid in their expectations, nor too liberal. They have to set clear and careful limits so that their children do not get pulled into a lifestyle that is un-Islamic, while at the same time allowing their children some freedom so that they do not rebel and engage in harmful activities behind their parents ’ backs. When setting limits on a teenager ’ s activities, it is really important that a logical and sincere explanation is provided so that the child understands that the limits are being set for their own good. Parents should also be consistent in enforcing their boundaries and be united in their actions so that they do not give out mixed signals. If Mother has said no to a demand but Father disregards her and gives in, the children will quickly learn to manipulate their parents and lose respect for them. It should be pointed out here that these guidelines are for both boys and girls. It is quite commonly seen that a “ double standard ” exists when parenting boys and girls and this often comes into play during the teen years. In many families, parents ‘ protect ’ their daughters by not allowing them to stay out late or attend school-based mixed functions, but have no qualms about allowing their sons complete freedom to come and go as they please and to associate with whomever they want. The same boundaries that are set for the ‘ protection ’ of daughters have to be set for sons also, because boys are just as vulnerable to the pressures of society at this age, if not more so. The same applies for parameters of dress and the practice of Purdah. However, each child is different and some of the needs of boys are often very different from the needs of girls. While maintaining justice and fairness, wisdom is required in assessing the particular needs of a child. Sometimes, this may look as though one child is favored over the other. However, what is needed is deep insight and recognition of when and how to give rope, so to speak, or to rein it in, with each child. Too much restriction may cause sons (or in some cases