Paradise Under Your Feet — Page 90
90 Discipline All parents desire that their children are perfect and that there never arises any reason to discipline them. However, real life is quite different from what one desires or wishes. The preteen years can be tough on parents as children start to want to be accepted by their peers; this often conflicts with the standards set by parents. At this stage a strong parent-child relationship is key so that the child really does not want to disappoint his parents and wants to please them. When children are lovingly guided to make reparations and solve problems, they will develop internal discipline and a strong moral sense. Discipline should never be connected to anger. The Holy Prophet (saw) gave many pieces of advice to his followers and among them was the advice to not become angry. He stated that a strong person is not he who defeats others in wrestling; the strong person is he who has full control over himself during his anger. 5. 8 The Holy Prophet (saw) taught his followers practical means through which to manage their anger. One such method is as follows: “ Sulayman ibn Surd related that two people began to quarrel in front of the Holy Prophet (saw). The face of one of them turned red and the veins of his neck were swollen. At this the Holy Prophet (saw) said, “ I know of a phrase that if he were to utter it, his fit of rage would abate. The phrase is ‘ I seek refuge with Allah from Satan, the accursed. ’” 5. 9 In the event of a conflict with children, the parent should follow the Holy Prophet ’ s (saw) advice and seek refuge in Allah from Satan. It is better that one should walk away from the heat of the moment and take time to calm down. When both parties have over come their anger , the matter can be discussed calmly. Under no circumstances should any kind of physical force be used on the child by the parent.