Flowers for the Women Wearing Veils - Volume I — Page 179
! ! 179 The Mehr is for the Woman’s Living Expenses Since mehr is meant to provide for a woman’s life long expenses and for any future necessities , presenting it to her at the time of marriage in order that she may present it to her parents, or spend it upon some trivial expense, is not appropriate. This is because at that stage [generally] she is not aware of the value of money, nor does she understand the needs of married life. A t this stage, she believes that when she arrives at her husband’s hom e, she will take what she wants. H owever , she is unaware that this assumption is incorrect. Instead, she should have some money of her own to spend independently, so that she may help her parents, brothers, or other relatives. Moreover, her mehr c an also be spent up on her own children. She c an use i t while her husband is alive , but upon his death, she can utilize it to make ends meet and support her children. However , if at the start [of marriage] , she is unaware of the potential circumstances and her parents take this money right away, she will be left destitute and in difficulty when the sit uation arises. Therefore, it is not permissible for parents to take the mehr from the outset, but yes, once a woman has recognized her own needs and requirements after marriage , she can certainly give her mehr to them if she considers them needy. In this way, a woman can also give her mehr to her husband , but he should not secure a promise for it , without first giving it to her. If it is the case [that her husband secures a promise for the m ehr to be returned to him by his wife] then a woman will think to herself, ‘I haven’t been given anything , at any rate. I only have a verbal commitment, thus not waiving the obligation is of no use to me. I might as well free him of this responsibility. ’ Otherwise, if she had received her meh r and was aware of i ts value, it would not be so easy for her to free him from his responsibility. Haz rat ‘Umar ra and other schol ars and judicious elders settled t hat a woman could give her husband her mehr after a period of at least one year. Meaning, she should keep the mehr for one year after receiving it , and then if she wishes , she can offer it to her husband.