Fazl-e-Umar — Page 40
Fazle Umar 40 current of extraordinary strength. The deep sense of loss and heavy grief that suddenly came over me was more than I could bear and I rushed blindly to my room and locked myself in. I flung myself on the bed and lay like a lifeless log of wood, an uncontrollable storm of tears flowing from my eyes. These tears were no ordinary tears: a raging flood of grief lay behind them. The transitory nature of this life on earth, the boundless love which Maulvi sahib had for the Promised Messiah [as] , and the untiring devoted service he rendered him – my mind went over these things, lingering over many scenes that one after another rose before my eyes. But over and over again I reverted to the thought: Maulvi sahib rendered valuable help to the Promised Messiah [as] , but now that he is no more it would mean so much more pressure upon the Promised Messiah [as] and the strain would increase. Then my thoughts again drowned in my grief and tears flowed with added vehemence. I was so overcome that I took no food that day and even the Promised Messiah [as] was struck by the change that had come over me. ‘I wonder what has come over Mahmud,’ he remarked. ‘The bond between him and Maulvi sahib was not so very great: if he goes on like this he will fall ill. ’ “Thus with the death of Maulvi Abdul Karim sahib there opened a new chapter in my life, and I began to take a deep interest in the needs and affairs of the Community…I felt as though his soul had descended upon me. ” 20